I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
