I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
