I looked at my own cervix.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
