Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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