I heard we made out
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
