Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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