I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize