you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
