just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Congratulations! We have a period
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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