Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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