she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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