Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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