You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
