Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
