It's Friday. Sex?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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