if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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