You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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