Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this boner is exhausting
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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