I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
