A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize