I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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