I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
