I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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