My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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