i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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