I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
