my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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