My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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