Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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