I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
