non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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