One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
