Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
