I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
