need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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