can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
