my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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