we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
why is half of my head shaved?
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