I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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