i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
