you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
