I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
