it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
