Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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