whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
