Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
