I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
