She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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