he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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