i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
