she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
