Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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