you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize