My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
