Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
