a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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