it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
