dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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