Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
