I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
