Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
