Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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