I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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