the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
