Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
