the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
