I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
