shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize