I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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