New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
