He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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