I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
