The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
