He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize