Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
