Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
