I just pynch a tree in the face
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
