I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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