I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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