theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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