took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
