just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
