i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your penis caused this!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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