She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
