how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
