Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
