Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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