is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
