who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
